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rivalkidneypunch) wrote2009-10-23 02:20 am
rivalkidneypunch) wrote2009-10-23 02:20 am
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Hey, Aiden.
Long time, no talk. Alkaline and Adrenaline doing okay? I keep forgetting your Blastoise's name, but I hope she's alright too. Listen, about what happened back at your place... sorry about that. I'm glad you were willing to respect whatever decision I made, but it was still pretty shitty of me to intrude on you then leave out of nowhere. Y'know... I'm still not sure why I went back to you. I don't hate you, but you're not family anymore. I don't know if I can call you my trainer or not after all this time, but... hell, I'm glad I can at least talk honestly with you. You hurt me bad, but you always did get me.
Man... after all that stuff went down, I swore to myself that it'd be the last time. That I wasn't gonna put Green through this kind of shit anymore. When he first caught me, I was a real pain in the ass. I kept thinking he wasn't worth listening to, that I was... I don't know. I was at war with him, and every order was a battle of willpower. Even after I started doing what he told me, I still kept making trouble for him. Seven years later, and I'm still pulling stupid shit like picking fights with him and running away. So I told myself I'd quit with the stupid games. Lord only knows it's time I started acting like a man.
But when I got back, it... I dunno. I ain't changed one bit, Aiden. I tried going to the counsellor, but... ah, shit, I just can't explain myself to people that good. He didn't get it at all. Stupid waste of time. That's why I hate talking about what happened. Everyone just snaps to the same conclusion. I know I wasn't abandoned. I know you ain't like that. It's just that nobody else does. And if they ain't got a clue, then how are they supposed to tell me how to fix what's wrong with me? I sure as hell don't know how to do it myself. All I've been doing is pulling the same stupid shit over and over.
...There's another trainer here. He's a thick-headed, sparkly-eyed newbie. Reminds me a lot of how you used to be. I don't know what it is with this kid. I just wanna break that stupid optimism of his right in half and shove it up his ass, but... shit, I dunno. He goes and says something that's just like the stuff you used to tell me, and then he calls me Kerosene, and... man, I just never learn. The only trainer I should be getting attached to is Green. This kind of stuff is traitorous. That Lucas kid? I remember him saying something about how even if we hurt him, Pokemon were a part of his life. I guess it's something like that, only backwards. Maybe I just ain't done being mad at you yet.
Maybe I'm never gonna be done being mad.
Remember when we were just starting out? I was already a Charizard in your eyes, the way you talked about me. It was always about the heights we could reach, about spreading our wings, about how you and me would carry each other. Well... after we split up, I got to thinking. I decided that I didn't need to fly to reach those heights of yours. I wanted to show you I could go past them all by myself. So... I figured I'd climb. I'd make the whole world my enemy, so everyone and everything threw themselves in my way and tried to drag me down, then I'd just step over them all until I hit the top. If nobody believed I was good enough, then I'd take the whole damn world and carve my way through it, until everyone could see what I was capable of. Make myself worth remembering, or something like that.
Is that stupid of me, Aiden? So long as I keep thinking like that, I have a reason to keep burning. It kept me going in the wild. I tore through trainers like nobody's business. Now... now, I'm thinking I've got a whole other reason to burn staring me right in the face, and I'm too damn thick to know what to do with it. I gotta fix myself somehow, Aiden. I gotta. I can keep tearing down other people all I want, but I can't let myself do that to him anymore. Hell, I can't do that to any of them.
I gotta be a man for Bulba. He's gotta grow up right. I might be a lost cause, but there ain't no way in hell I'm gonna drag him down with me. It's amazing how quick he's growing up. He's already better than somebody like me could be. I know I ain't the one who trained him, but it makes your chest just wanna burst with pride, seeing the way he is. He's gonna do great things, I know it.
Blastoise. That dumbass turtle. I can't be better than him if I keep on screwing up.
Casper deserves better than this. She waited forever just for an "I love you." Even then, I had to write it down. Shit... what am I, twelve?I She's I think I wanna ask I got all the reason in the world to be somebody better just in her alone. I wanna be the kind of man she can be proud of.
Green... I can't understand why he refuses to give up on me. Everyone else with a lick of common sense knows to go "oh, he's no good, just ignore him." I don't think I'll ever get what it is he sees in me. Maybe he's just too stubborn to admit it ain't worth it. Sometimes I almost wish he'd just get fed up with it. Ditch me, smack me around, tell me I'm worthless... anything. I think it'd be easier to take than knowing I'm hurting him. I don't know what to do with somebody that won't quit believing in me. It's... shit, it's scary. Knowing I'm gonna mess up again, knowing how bad it's gonna let him down... I hate it, Aiden. I want so bad to do right that it's almost suffocating. Hell, maybe that's the whole reason I ran away.
Whatever it is, something's gotta give. I'm the one who's going on about showing the world what I can do on my own, so it's about time I shut up and did something. That counsellor bullshit... I don't know what I was trying to do. If I'm gonna fix myself, then I gotta do it myself. I been on the edge of a cliff for years, and ever since I came home, it feels like I've finally started falling. So it's either hit rock bottom, grow some wings, or start climbing.
I'll let you know how it goes.
- Kerosene
--
Hey, Parakarry. Got somethin' for you to bring to Kanto. Ever been to Fuchsia City?
...You guys ever heard of kerosene? Used to be that people used it for lanterns, way back before lightbulbs were around. Turns out the same stuff that makes those dinky little lantern flames can be used as fuel for jets and rockets and shit. Guess it means that even somethin' that burns that dim can do big stuff if it's used right, or some gay shit like that.
Long time, no talk. Alkaline and Adrenaline doing okay? I keep forgetting your Blastoise's name, but I hope she's alright too. Listen, about what happened back at your place... sorry about that. I'm glad you were willing to respect whatever decision I made, but it was still pretty shitty of me to intrude on you then leave out of nowhere. Y'know... I'm still not sure why I went back to you. I don't hate you, but you're not family anymore. I don't know if I can call you my trainer or not after all this time, but... hell, I'm glad I can at least talk honestly with you. You hurt me bad, but you always did get me.
Man... after all that stuff went down, I swore to myself that it'd be the last time. That I wasn't gonna put Green through this kind of shit anymore. When he first caught me, I was a real pain in the ass. I kept thinking he wasn't worth listening to, that I was... I don't know. I was at war with him, and every order was a battle of willpower. Even after I started doing what he told me, I still kept making trouble for him. Seven years later, and I'm still pulling stupid shit like picking fights with him and running away. So I told myself I'd quit with the stupid games. Lord only knows it's time I started acting like a man.
But when I got back, it... I dunno. I ain't changed one bit, Aiden. I tried going to the counsellor, but... ah, shit, I just can't explain myself to people that good. He didn't get it at all. Stupid waste of time. That's why I hate talking about what happened. Everyone just snaps to the same conclusion. I know I wasn't abandoned. I know you ain't like that. It's just that nobody else does. And if they ain't got a clue, then how are they supposed to tell me how to fix what's wrong with me? I sure as hell don't know how to do it myself. All I've been doing is pulling the same stupid shit over and over.
...There's another trainer here. He's a thick-headed, sparkly-eyed newbie. Reminds me a lot of how you used to be. I don't know what it is with this kid. I just wanna break that stupid optimism of his right in half and shove it up his ass, but... shit, I dunno. He goes and says something that's just like the stuff you used to tell me, and then he calls me Kerosene, and... man, I just never learn. The only trainer I should be getting attached to is Green. This kind of stuff is traitorous. That Lucas kid? I remember him saying something about how even if we hurt him, Pokemon were a part of his life. I guess it's something like that, only backwards. Maybe I just ain't done being mad at you yet.
Maybe I'm never gonna be done being mad.
Remember when we were just starting out? I was already a Charizard in your eyes, the way you talked about me. It was always about the heights we could reach, about spreading our wings, about how you and me would carry each other. Well... after we split up, I got to thinking. I decided that I didn't need to fly to reach those heights of yours. I wanted to show you I could go past them all by myself. So... I figured I'd climb. I'd make the whole world my enemy, so everyone and everything threw themselves in my way and tried to drag me down, then I'd just step over them all until I hit the top. If nobody believed I was good enough, then I'd take the whole damn world and carve my way through it, until everyone could see what I was capable of. Make myself worth remembering, or something like that.
Is that stupid of me, Aiden? So long as I keep thinking like that, I have a reason to keep burning. It kept me going in the wild. I tore through trainers like nobody's business. Now... now, I'm thinking I've got a whole other reason to burn staring me right in the face, and I'm too damn thick to know what to do with it. I gotta fix myself somehow, Aiden. I gotta. I can keep tearing down other people all I want, but I can't let myself do that to him anymore. Hell, I can't do that to any of them.
I gotta be a man for Bulba. He's gotta grow up right. I might be a lost cause, but there ain't no way in hell I'm gonna drag him down with me. It's amazing how quick he's growing up. He's already better than somebody like me could be. I know I ain't the one who trained him, but it makes your chest just wanna burst with pride, seeing the way he is. He's gonna do great things, I know it.
Blastoise. That dumbass turtle. I can't be better than him if I keep on screwing up.
Casper deserves better than this. She waited forever just for an "I love you." Even then, I had to write it down. Shit... what am I, twelve?
Green... I can't understand why he refuses to give up on me. Everyone else with a lick of common sense knows to go "oh, he's no good, just ignore him." I don't think I'll ever get what it is he sees in me. Maybe he's just too stubborn to admit it ain't worth it. Sometimes I almost wish he'd just get fed up with it. Ditch me, smack me around, tell me I'm worthless... anything. I think it'd be easier to take than knowing I'm hurting him. I don't know what to do with somebody that won't quit believing in me. It's... shit, it's scary. Knowing I'm gonna mess up again, knowing how bad it's gonna let him down... I hate it, Aiden. I want so bad to do right that it's almost suffocating. Hell, maybe that's the whole reason I ran away.
Whatever it is, something's gotta give. I'm the one who's going on about showing the world what I can do on my own, so it's about time I shut up and did something. That counsellor bullshit... I don't know what I was trying to do. If I'm gonna fix myself, then I gotta do it myself. I been on the edge of a cliff for years, and ever since I came home, it feels like I've finally started falling. So it's either hit rock bottom, grow some wings, or start climbing.
I'll let you know how it goes.
- Kerosene
--
Hey, Parakarry. Got somethin' for you to bring to Kanto. Ever been to Fuchsia City?
...You guys ever heard of kerosene? Used to be that people used it for lanterns, way back before lightbulbs were around. Turns out the same stuff that makes those dinky little lantern flames can be used as fuel for jets and rockets and shit. Guess it means that even somethin' that burns that dim can do big stuff if it's used right, or some gay shit like that.