Phone Post

[rivalkidneypunch]

[You have reached the phone of one (1) Char. Call, text, send him nudes, do whatever your heart desires -- just be kind enough to leave a date and time.]

Comments

christens this post with a text

[rivalsolarbeam]

this store has flaming hobo action figures

it's beautiful

[rivalkidneypunch]

there is absolutely no possible way that you aint shittin me right now

[rivalsolarbeam]

I'm

going to buy one

[rivalkidneypunch]

if you're getting one, then you pretty much have to show me. You know that, right?

[rivalsolarbeam]

I think I would need you to verify that I have not dreamt it up.

[rivalkidneypunch]

I hope your crazy-ass imagination dreamed up glow in the dark missiles or karate choppin action or something. If somebody made a flamin hobo action figure, they better be goin all out

[rivalsolarbeam]

I... think it's actually a bootleg....

Should I get coach one

[rivalkidneypunch]

why is this even a question

[rivalsolarbeam]

It's real derp. Maybe we can just make them fight tho. Yeah okay I am getting two.

[rivalkidneypunch]

if its derp then thats even better. are they super expensive? if theyre just dollar store-ass things then get like twelve of them i'll pay you back for it

[rivalsolarbeam]

yeah they're weren't much let me go back in.

[U-TURN.]

[rivalkidneypunch]

attaboy. txt me when you get home ok? i'm at my office rn

[rivalsolarbeam]

Okay can do. Be the productive teacher guy.

[rivalkidneypunch]

teacher guy's a given, but we'll see about productive

[rivalsolarbeam]

Heh.

[AND THEN. A WHILE LATER.]

I am home with the hobo army.

[rivalkidneypunch]

Mind bringin em to the teachers lounge? i got an idea what to do with these and i'm pretty sure you already know what that idea is

[rivalsolarbeam]

Probably. Hobo army on the move, then.

[AND LO. A WHILE LATER STILL. A whole bunch of yellow popping in through the teacher's lounge door.]

Yo.

[He holds up. THE BAG.]

[rivalkidneypunch]

[THE BAG... Char's at his side pronto, tail already starting up some mischievous waving.]

Let's see what we're workin' with. I'm thinkin' we could fit a few in Coach's desk, maybe slide a few into a filin' cabinet if we're feelin' creative, hey?

[rivalsolarbeam]

They're not too big.

[And they were not. They were also a little weird. There was goopy looking plastic fire around a wrist. These were awful.

Awfully wonderful.]

We could set one up doing something on top of the lockers in the locker room too and see how long it takes for anyone to notice.

Sept. 20th Birfdeis - IN WHICH I ABUSE PHONE POSTS FOR NOT PHONES

[rivalsolarbeam]

Bulba had not had any explicit plans for the day. At least, none that specifically had to do with the day at hand. Mostly they just happened to conveniently end up on the day, which was just fine with Bulba. It fit in quite nicely with his intentions.

Everything was ready to go, more or less. Their appointment was at [xx] and Bulba had already swung in to talk about trees that weren't shitty doodles. Now it was just a matter of getting there, which was why the Venusaur was knocking on the door of Char's dorm.

Hi Char hi Char hi Char.

[rivalkidneypunch]

Bulba surely must have known this was coming. For behind that door lay a cunning ambush. There was even that familiar skittery-scratchy sound of a very excited Skulltula trying to climb the door. That smell was a very familiar one, after all, and even with a door in the way, it was more noticeable than ever now that Bulba was a fully-bloomed Venusaur.

The moment the door opened even a crack, the deadly trap was already sprung. Lo and behold, a two-pronged assault: overearger huggy spider from below, giant gross dargon slurps from above. Truly an inescapable ferocious birthday assault from two fearsome and terrible monsterbeasts. Oh no.

Hi Bulba hi Bulba hi Bulba.

[rivalsolarbeam]

He'd been ready for at least half of this assault. The skittery scratches of spider legs were a familiar sound indeed, and when the door opened he was super ready to catch the giant arachnid in a hug. THE SLURPS HOWEVER OH GOD where did those come from he was not ready for a double attack oh god oh man oh god oh man.

The onslaught was super effective. He was unable to survive its toils. The mighty Venusaur was reduced to a pile of (manly as hell) giggles as he tried to pet the spider away and shove his hand in the dragon's face.

[rivalkidneypunch]

They were the manliest giggles. There were a few kind of laughlike dargon sounds being rumbled into Bulba's palm, too, though they were sorta muffled, on account of the whole nosesmooshing thing going on.

Char popped over to human form -- Rasputin wasn't always quite so good at understanding commands in poglespeak, after all. The most vicious and savage of spiders was wrestled away, mere moments before Bulba would surely be spiderhugged beyond all hope. "Down, boy. We want him to live to see nineteen, don't we?"

[rivalsolarbeam]

"I would appreciate such a future," Bulba laughed breathily as he wiped his face. He surely would have been decimated had the onslaught continued, having already been knocked back on his rump. Truly they were the most fierce of foes, and this mercy was a blessing.

He got himself back up again, and gave the terrifying beast a very fond rub. "Thanks, buddy."

[rivalkidneypunch]

Rasputin made some of those horrifying rustly clicky Skulltula noises and kinda wiggled two of his many many legs in the air.

"I'm guessin' that means happy birthday," Char offered, ever the helpful translator. "You ready to go, kid?"